Love After Death
by akaisakura
Summary: Yamato's dead, which is causing problems for his friends in more ways than one... **Yamachi/Taito** (The end...or no...? hey, at least Ch.3 ends fluffy... ^_^)
1. So This is What it's Like...

Hihi! A short fic this time (as in three chapters, I think), and it'll end fluffy...I want to write at least one _completely_ fluffy story at some point... (looks down)...ok, this is not that fic. *sigh* Ah well. I hope you guys enjoy this one. Sort of an idea that was floating around in my head during spring break. 

Story takes place one year after the end of season 2, so everyone's only a year older. Tai and the olders are around 15, Daisuke and the youngers are around 12. Inner monologue (for lack of a better word) are written in italics. Also, if you don't understand some of the stuff I'm talking about, you might want to read the edu-notes at the bottom of the fic. The first half of this chapter is structured around Japanese funeral and burial customs. 

Disclaimer: *insert usual disclaimer here* ex: I do not own didly squat. (Yama: Thank the gods for that!) 

  


  


  


  


  


I sit here, waiting. And as I wait, I try to play with my bangs. Gods I look pathetic. I feel pathetic too. My hair is all tossled, like it doesn't have a care in the world. I guess it really doesn't, but that doesn't help. Now I'm wishing I had at least made myself look a little more presentable for when he would find me. Yes, I'm sure _he_ will be the one to find me. 

I reach out again in a vain attempt to brush the loose strands out of my face. As I do, the door to my room creaks open, and he's standing in the doorway. He takes one look at me and promptly runs out to the phone. I can hear him in hysterics, trying to talk to the person on the other end. Then, he races back in to kneel at my bedside. His cries, pleads, and screams fill the air. 

"Please, Yama! Open your eyes! Tell me it's all just a joke you're pulling on me!...Please wake up...Yama..." 

It's too late, Tai, I'm already dead. 

  


  


Love After Death  
akaisakura 

Chapter 1: So This is What it's Like... 

  


  


The Burial. The rites are done, all the sutras have been read, I'm supposed to be going now, but here I am. Guess I'm just here to say my final farewells. I'm perched in a tree close to my family's grave, the rain passing through my non-existent body as I take a look around. There are so many people here, most of them are friends of my parents whom I have never met, or don't remember. My parents are holding onto each other, as though each were with the only other person left alive. Things must be really bad of they're comforting each other. The only other time they've even come close to holding each other since the divorce was when Vandemon tried to take over the world and the sky was torn apart. _Mom, Dad, I'm sorry I never gave you an explanation, and this must have seemed so sudden, out of the blue, but...I don't know what to say. I just hope you guys can forgive me for what I've done and all the pain I'm causing you two._ I move on, mostly because I really just can't look at my parents any longer. 

I look around, and I see them -- they're all here, new and old, even Mimi. I'm kinda happy to know that they care so much to show up, even if I hadn't talked to some of them in the last few months of my life. Jou looks incredibly guilty, like it's somehow all his fault, and Miyako looks like she's going to create more than half the rain that's falling to the ground. And poor Koushirou -- he just looks perplexed, saddened, but perplexed. Sora and Mimi are comforting each other, though I get the feeling that Mimi's doing more of the comforting. My death must have been hard on Sora. I don't know for sure, but I don't think she ever got over that crush she had for me. Iori... _life's not fair, is it little one? You lost your father already, and you shouldn't have to go to another funeral when you've only lived one-tenth of your life._

I guess it's really not fair for Ken either. He's here too, standing next to, and holding hands with his beloved Daisuke. Gods how I envy those two. No one else knows, and they don't try to show it, but it's so obvious in the way they treat each other when they think no one's watching. It's nice to see that Ken's better now, and in good hands. 

*sigh* 

And that brings me to the little cluster right in front of the stone. Hikari, my brother, and Tai... 

Tai is walking up the small steps with a small urn to where he will bury my bones. Hikari's holding an umbrella for them as Takeru tries to keep Tai going. Tai's shoulders are shaking as he cries. There's a pain in my heart, and I want to say it's concern for Tai, but right now, I'm inclined to say it's jealousy. I wish I could be the one to hold Tai up, to reach out and brush those tears away... No. I won't think about that now. I'm here to say my good-byes. I'll have the rest of eternity to think about it... 

Out of the three, Takeru seems to be taking it the best, but I know that when he's alone is when he grieves. For now, he seems to be the only thing holding Tai up. It's amazing how much stronger he's become in the last couple of years. The latest adventure seems to have solidified his confidence and leadership skills somewhat. I'm happy for that much at least. I remember when we first went to the Digital World how much he cried. I'm inclined to say he was the biggest crybaby I've ever seen...well, I guess that wouldn't really be fair, since he was only _eight_ then, but still... *sigh* I'm reminiscing again. 

_Hikari, you always were the supportive one, and I know you've grown up a lot, just like Takeru. Take care of your brother for me, will ya? I wish I could stay here and help, but rules are rules...my time is up, and I've got to go to that place... _

Hey, cheer up, little bro. You always wanted me to be happy. Now, all I want _you_ to do is to move on, and to continue helping Hikari and Tai like you have been for the past month and a half. I know Tai's going to be stubborn, as always, so you're going to have to get it through his thick hair and head that there was nothing you two could have done to help me. I know you guys knew I was depressed, but it's my own fault -- I chose to die. I don't think anyone could have stopped me... 

Tai...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry. I never thought my death would hurt you so much, but the pain will go away, soon. You're strong, you'll make it. I'm sorry I never told you what I was most depressed about. You helped me so much this past year when I started to get depressed. I told you almost everything, but I didn't tell you one thing. If I had, maybe it wouldn't have had to be like this. No, who am I kidding? If I _had_ told you, I would've lost you, and I would have still killed myself. I think I'm in a better situation now, so please don't cry... 

  


  


There's a path of bright light in front of me, and I want to go now, but before I do, I still have one person left to say goodbye to. So I close my eyes and concentrate. I see the oddly colored sky and the lush vegetation, with so many spots it looks like someone generously sprinkled whiteout on everything. I see the glitter of water and the rainbow of butterfly wings. And then I'm here. 

I only figured out I could do this a few days ago when I was wondering how Gabumon was doing, and I ended up in the Digital World. He looked so happy to see me, until he ran straight through my body. When he got up, I knew that he knew I was dead. 

I take a look around at the scenery as I wander around looking for my partner. It's strange, but today, the Digital World looks dark, the clouds cover the sky with sadness, and the plants look like they're drooping. And what's this? There's a line that stretches for at least a mile ahead of me. Rather than wait, I'm going to find out what the big fuss is over. Every digimon I pass seems to be crying for some reason. There's Centarumon, and the Geckomons, and even Ogremon! Something big must be happening, so I speed up my jog. 

I can't really fly or float. I guess that ability comes when you go to that place at the end of the path of light, wherever that may be. In the meantime, I get teleportation, which I guess is pretty nice. Of course, there's a catch -- I have to be able to envision where I want to go. So right now, I'm getting the short end of the deal. Ah well. 

The end is in sight, and it's a good thing too. Who knew you could be out of breath, even when you're dead? As I get to the beginning of the line, the digimon recognize me and look at me with a mysterious look on their faces, but they let me pass as they form a pathway. Standing at the end of the pathway is Gabumon. 

"Hey, Gabumon." 

"Hey, Yamato." 

"So, what's up? What's with the sad faces?" There's this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'm not going to like the answer I'm about to get. 

"...They came to give their sympathy...and... to..." Gabumon is looking down at the ground. 

"...and?..." 

"...and... to say good-bye..." 

"What?!" I don't understand! _I'm_ dead, not Gabumon! What's going on?! 

"I'm going to dissolve, and what's left of my data and energy will disperse throughout the Digital World..." 

...And I'm thoroughly stunned... 

  


  


  


  


  


Yama: NOOOO!! Gabumon!!! How can you do this, akai?? (starts choking the author) How can you kill him off?? It's bad enough _I'm_ dead, but what did Gabumon ever do to you??  
akaisakura: Ack!! He's not dead yet...I can save him...I promise... *can't breathe*  
Yama: You'd better! And it had better not be in a cheesy way either. You created this mess, so you'd better clean it up!  
akaisakura: *gasp wheeze* Ok, ok! (thinking to self: Yeesh...Gabumon's not even dead, and he's already acting like this... -_-;; )  
Yama: And no glaring plot holes either!  
Tai: (prying Yama from the author's throat) Ok, Yama...I think akai's got the idea...now let's move on to something else...  
Yama: Alright...*grumble* (reads fic over again) ...And another thing. I would never play with a dead person's hair...that's just gross...  
akaisakura: Not ever your own...? We all know how vain you can be... ^_^  
Yama: Um...well...  
Tai: Enough said. Now I think I'm going to go throw up...  
Yama: Aww...Tai...come on...I'm not _that_ vain... (chases after Tai)  
akaisakura: *sweatdrop* 

  


Story Notes:  
-Yama's dead...the problems he was talking about were your average general teenage angst, a dash of problems within the band, a splattering of relationship problems with Sora (who he dated to be nice, in my opinion :P ), and a whole lot of something else, which I'm sure you all can guess *coughtaicough*...add all that to the problems Yama had from before, and you've got a recipe for depression. 

-Yama also seems to have developed the skill of teleportation. Sort of a thingie I added in for convenience. Sides, when you're dead, I figure you can do all sorts of physics-defying things...and I even put a limitation on it...so it's not all _that_ powerful... Poor Yama...Traditional Japanese ghosts don't get wings, but they do get to float and all that wonderful stuff ^_^ 

-The burial - This part was interesting to write, since I didn't realize I was writing everyone in character or with irony attached until after I had actually written it. Jou's always the responsible one, so he would feel responsible for the welfare of everyone. Iori's all about fairness and justice, and life is just not fair at all, etc. I think the characters are starting to take residence in my head... @_@;; 

-Why can the digimon see Yama, but people in the real world can't? It's kinda like how some people can see ghosts and others can't. I guess it's also kinda like how animals instinctively know when something bad's about to happen, like an earthquake, or how pets can tell when their owner's about to have a heart attack. Animals have heightened perception to these sorts of things... 

-How did Gabumon know when Yamato was going to leave?...read on...it's explained in the next section... 

  


Ok, on to the educational notes (since we all know I'm a nut for them...see what playing Carmen Sandiego when you were little does to you?) 

Japanese funerals and burial: 

Ok, all my info comes from these three sites...I took a little liberty in letting Tai be the one to bury the urn... 

http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2060.html  
http://www.sekise.co.jp/sougi/eng/eng1.html  
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Island/6653/ohaka.htm  


There are a _lot_ of details about the funeral that I am leaving out, since this scene was mostly the burial, but if you're interested in reading about Japanese funerals and burials, I suggest reading these three sites on your own. They're _very_ informative. 

-Japanese funeral services are held in a Buddhist style. This includes certain rituals and sutra (or Buddhist scripture) that are performed and read. 

-The urn, which contains the left-over fragments of bone after cremation, is put on an altar at the family's house for 35 days, though it's also said that the end of the mourning period can coincide with the 49th day (depends on who you ask, and whether they're Buddhist or Shinto, since in Shinto, the mourning period ends on the 30th day and the 50th day...don't ask me where this ambiguity comes from -_-; ). Incense sticks (osenko) are burned there around the clock (special 12 hour sticks for the night exist). After the 35 (or 49) days, the urn is buried at the family tomb (ohaka). 

-The soul of the deceased stays in the real world until the 49th day of death (The day the urn is buried). After the 49th day, it's said to leave for eternity, until it's called back during special holidays and ancestor worship. 

So it impresses Yama that everyone came to the burial, considering it's been a month and a half since the funeral. And why he's especially sorry that he hurt his parents and Tai so much, since they are obviously still very emotional over his death. 

By the way, if you don't know what a Japanese grave looks like, watch the episode where Iori's grandfather talks to Oikawa. There's a scene where he's standing in front of the Hida family tombstone. Or, you can go to the third page I listed above. It has a picture of a tombstone. 


	2. Selfish Decisions and Their Awful Conseq...

Welcome to another installment of Love After Death... (looks over at reviews...) ...seems like only one person decided to review me... well, I will not be discouraged! 

Thank you sooooo much, K-chan! *BIG Hug!* I'm glad you liked this so far, and I'm also glad you liked the notes. I hope this next section brings some interesting twists... ^_~ 

Ken: She's desperate again...  
akaisakura: :P Be quiet, you!...and who said you could comment on my fanfics?...  
Ken: Since you drew me as a girl and made me wear a sakura-pink dress with a blue purse to match! >:(  
akaisakura: hehe...you're not going to be good and forget about that one, are you?...  
Ken: NO! And don't you dare tell people where your site is...  
akaisakura: (points up) Too late, it's already in my profile...  
Ken: AAAARG!!! NOOOOO!!!  
akaisakura: (covers ears) Ok, well, at least I don't own you guys, so Toei will never _really_ turn you into a girl and give you a pink dress...  
Ken: It's the only reassuring thing in my life... *sniffle* 

  


  


  


  


  


In the fifteen years I was alive, I've known Gabumon for five of them -- that's one third of my life... I never thought my death would mean his as well, but I should have known. I should have known. 

  


  


Love After Death  
akaisakura 

Chapter 2: Selfish Decisions and Their Awful Consequences 

  


  


"What do you mean you're going to die?..." 

Gabumon politely excuses himself and leads us to a more private place to talk. 

"Yamato, when you leave today for the Great Beyond, I will lose your energy, the source of my life. We digimon, especially the digimon of the digidestined, were designed for our partners, and that one person alone. We live and draw our power from you through the digivices that binds us. That's why we need you to digivolve. Remember when we were fighting the Dark Masters, and the Spirit showed us how we were specially created for you? That's what I mean..." 

I think I remember that...It's starting to get a little fuzzy in my memory, since as I recall, I was also not in the best of mental conditions at the time. Something about having a really, really big fight with Tai and then zap! Hikari channeled this Spirit -- I assume it might have been one of the four mega digimons that protect the Digital World, and we were seeing images of digilabs and Gennai and all his buddies. The thoughts turn over in my mind and I remember something else. 

"...Tai...when I arrived at the battle with Piedmon, and he looked like he was going to die...if he _had_ died, would Wargreymon also have died?..." 

"Yes...but because of the strong friendship that was created in that moment, your wish for Tai to be healed was granted..." 

This is getting depressing. If I had known that I would be killing Gabumon as well, I would never have done what I did. But it's too late to undo all that now. There has to be a way to save Gabumon, and that's what I have to concentrate on now. I only wish things were different...I wish I had known...wait...that reminds me. 

"But what about Oikawa? When he gave himself up, Pipimon didn't die..." 

"Because Oikawa is still here..." 

And visions of that day flood into my mind...the sparkling of a million rainbow-winged butterflies... it hits me. 

"Of course! That's the answer! If the Digital World can't solve this, then I can go to that other dimension..." 

"But it's not that easy, Yamato. That rip was fixed and there's no easy way to find that other dimension. And even if you were to find it, how do we bridge the two worlds?" 

"Well, I can get to the other dimension, but I'm not sure how to bridge the worlds. It doesn't matter, Gabumon. I've gotta try. Hang on, buddy. I'll find a way. I promise!" 

Gabumon looks at me with an incredulous look. I've never known him to be so pessimistic, but I guess death is something we all don't want to look in the face, much less try to fight. I reassure him again, and then we say our good-byes. I'm off to the real world to think this all out. Maybe the sealed Odaiba gate can help me here. 

  


  


I don't want to be alone right now. I've gotten too used to having Tai around to calm me down in my worst moods, and help me solve my worst problems. I really don't know when I started feeling so comfortable around him, but I do know that I love being around him -- even now, when I can't talk to him... Damn it, this isn't the time to be thinking about him. I can do that later. Mind on task, Yamato! 

I take a look around his room...he's not here. Where is he? It's been hours since my burial...he should be home by now... Oh, no...he wouldn't... 

If there's anything I've learned about Tai is that he's incredibly stubborn, but I've also learned how hurt he can be by the smallest things...and judging by the way he was acting today, I'd have to say that I'm the world's biggest jerk for hurting him so much. 

I envision my family's grave. I really hope that he's not there in the rain when I get there. 

  


  


Why am I not surprised?... 

There's the stubborn fool, still huddling by the stone. Everyone has already left, but he's still here. At least he's not alone. Good old Takeru's holding the umbrella Hikari had earlier, and is trying to convince Tai to leave. I'm going to stick around. Even if I can't help, I want to see that Tai will be alright. 

"Tai, we really should go. This isn't good for you. I heard that the rain will only get worse." My brother takes one of Tai's hands into his own. Tai's just staring at the stone, almost oblivious to Takeru's pleading. I can tell he's got something on his mind. 

"Takeru," he finally says at last, "I want to say my farewells to Yamato. And then, and only then, will I leave." 

"And when will that be? Tai, you've been moping around like this for a whole month and a half! I know you and my brother were really close, but it's not healthy for you to be lingering on his death like this!" 

"What do you know?!" Tai jerks his hand away from Takeru. "You don't understand how I feel! You think that just because you've been watching out for me for the last month that you know everything! I -- I -- I really appreciate your effort to help me, but you can't even begin to comprehend how I feel!" 

"Then why don't you tell me! Don't you think I have problems letting Yamato go too? I mean, gods! He's my brother! Tell me what's wrong and maybe we can both help each other move on with our lives!" 

"STOP IT!!!" I'm yelling at them, but of course, they don't hear me. It's tearing me apart to see them fighting like this. I want nothing more than to hug them both, and make them feel better. I'm regretting my stupid, selfish and cowardly decision more and more with each passing minute. It's bad enough that Gabumon's going to die unless I think of something, but now my brother and my best friend are lashing out at each other with their grief. 

Tai is quiet for a bit after my brother's last statement. It seems like they're trying to calm down a little bit. 

"Tai," My brother wraps his free arm around Tai in a fierce hug. "I really want to help. All this fighting is really not helping, and I'm sure my brother wouldn't want us to fight." _Good for you, Takeru._ "I care a lot about you, Tai, not just because you're my brother's best friend. Please...tell me what is making you so upset...you can trust me..." 

Tai's crying. His tears mix with the rain on his cheeks as they fall to land on my brother's shirt. I can see his lips moving as he cries to Takeru. I move closer so I can hear better... 

"...didn't think I'd ever tell anyone...I want to trust you, Takeru...I wish I had told Yamato when I had the chance...but it's too late now..." My brother hugs Tai closer and urges him onwards. 

"Takeru, I love Yamato." 

...And for the second time today, I am stunned. 

  


  


  


  


  


Yama: Well, I'm glad we found a way to save Gabumon. And Tai loves me! *happy dance*  
akaisakura: See, I told you I'd find a way to save him! And you doubted me. :P  
Yama: (suddenly looking serious -- notices how... touchy... Takeru is with Tai...) So...Why is my little brother all of a sudden a threat to my love life?  
akaisakura: Huh? Is he? Hmm...I guess some of what he says _could_ be seen that way...jealous?...  
Yama: I'm not jealous! I'm just...concerned...  
akaisakura: *thinks for a bit*...ooh...the possibilities... *evil grin*  
Yama: Hey! Don't you dare! I want my Tai! >_  
akaisakura: _Your_ Tai? How do you know you can even tell him that since you're DEAD...  
Yama: Minor technicality. He's still _my_ Tai... :P  
akaisakura: ...ok...well, then...I have a little proposal. How about we ask the readers... (all 1 of you... -_- Thank you again, K-chan!) 

Seeing as how little Takeru's been brought into this whole mess, I was wondering which way to steer this little fic. Should it be a Taito/Yamachi, Taikeru/Takechi, or what? (maybe even nothing!...no one gets lovin'...)...vote for _your_ favorite pairing today! *cheesy music plays* 

Yama: You people had better vote for a Yamachi!!! Or else!  
akaisakura: Bad Yama...no threatening the readers. *drags a possessive, growling Yama away* 

  


And surprise, surprise, there are no educational notes for this chapter...wow... O_O 

  


Story Notes:  
-I was playing around with a few ideas in my head about how to deal with death and the Digital World. I was wondering if when a digidestined died, does their digimon die permanently as well? Well, I think I sort of came up with a coherent theory...sort of. We all know that digimon come back through digi-eggs and Primary Village, but it seemed that some digimon could be killed and they wouldn't reconfigure (like Vandemon (Myotismon)). My theory is that as long as their partner is alive, or their energy still exists in some way, and they weren't blasted too badly, digimon can come back. It's like if your data isn't too screwed up, it's still salvageable, but if it's too corrupted, and too much is damaged, then you're gone for good. I explained the other part of my theory in the story, so I won't repeat it here (the whole bit about being custom-created for their human partners). So, does it actually make sense?... o_0;; 

-Yama knows where the wish-granting dimension is because he saw it when he and the other dd's were transported to the Digital World for the final fight against Vandemon. All he needs to do is envision it, and he's there. But he does have that little pesky problem of how to bridge the two dimensions now that the dimensional rip has been repaired...hmmm... *ponder* 

-Canon is always good... 

1) Yama's going to save Gabumon the same way Oikawa spared Pipimon, even if Oikawa didn't know that... Ok, so technically, I'm taking a little creative license with it, but it fits with my theory... ^_^;; I hope this isn't _too_ cheesy... 

2) Ever wonder why phone booths and refrigerators full of eggs randomly appeared in season 1?...some people may say they're plot holes, but I say that it's explained in season 2... Remember when Koushirou explains to Ken how the Digital World is like a VCR for the subconscious? I think that the Digital World is like a mix of the real world and the wish-granting dimension Oikawa found. In this way, it can grant your needs. For example, the phone booths showed up in the episode right after the kids wished they could call home. The eggs showed up when they were hungry and needed food, the cablecar showed up when they needed a place to sleep, and Yamato's crest allowed his strong wish for Tai to be healed to be granted and extended to Wargreymon as well. 

3) The Spirit that took over Hikari in season 1... yeah...akai gets to spout another theory...  
I think that the spirit was only a fraction of the spirit of one of the four Guardians. At that point in the story, the Dark Masters already bound the guardians to the Destiny Stones (as explained in 02), but I think they are the only ones who could have contacted the digidestined, and who could explain everything to them. That's why they sent a part of themselves to possess Hikari, since they couldn't go to the digidestined personally. They also possessed her and protected her later on in the episode where Hikari gets sick, and "the Light" radiates from her and her crest. 

  


  


Ok, that's it...now go vote for which ending you'd like to see! Later~! ^_^ 


	3. Sometimes, I'm surprised, and Things CAN...

Hey, all ^_^ It's been what...2 weeks...oops... Sad to say that I've been busy, and probably will be for the next few weeks...but I will try to continue writing. My other monstrosity of a fic, Understanding, is taking FOREVER!!! However, I have also got most of it down on paper...I've been writing in-between classes on a pad of paper... -_- So hopefully, that too will be up soon (this weekend...*crosses fingers*) 

  


Daisuke: So...Is it time to answer the reviews yet?...  
akai: eh?...why are you here?...  
Daisuke: Wondering where Ken had wandered off to...found you...catching up on news...stuff...  
akai: oh...  
Daisuke: So, are you going to answer them or not?...  
akai: Yes, yes...I'm getting to that... :P 

_Kiyra - *clicks button 50-billion times till it works* X_x I would have reviewed sooner but Fanfiction.net was being an *ahems* arse.   
I really like the ficcy. I hope you'll pump out more chapters. I wanna know what happens!! ^-^ And I hope it's a happy Taito. xD I'm a sucker for that. ^^; _

Fanfiction.net is a royal pain at times...sigh...but I shouldn't complain. It _is_ free ^_^ As for more chapters after this one...we'll see... >:) 

_Kyo - I Want a Yamachi!!! Please! cause there isn't many like that! it's mostly Taito... But i love them both very very very much! love your fic please write more soon. _

Ok. As per your request, this chapter is more Yamachi than Taito...at least I think it is...hmmm...more chapters is sounding more and more likely now...... 

_Lady S - FINALLY an update! whew...thought we'd never find out poor Matt's fate! AWWWW...nooo not TK! hehe, keep up the good wk. _

Heh...well, Yamato's got a better deal now, right?... ^_^ and what's wrong with little TK? Doesn't he deserve any love??... 

_Tiger V - ohhhhh! Whats going to happen next!? Please tell me there is going to be more taito! Please! Please! _

I'm glad you're enthusiastic! I hope you enjoy this chapter then ^_^ 

_CMF - Hmm... I vote that every character pairs up with DEATH! That would put an interesting (and angsty) twist to this story. _

Uh...technically, death wasn't one of the pairing choices, though I _did_ say "someone else...or noone at all"...so I guess this vote counts...heh...but since I also know who you are, I also know that this is a joke ballot, so you get nothing! :P~ (Though I will admit that this chapter would have turned out much, much more angsty if I had paired someone up with death...hmmm......) 

_Animeangel - Oh thank you! I was happy to review. I can't believe you didn't get more. *Looks surprised* I changed my name... again. ^_^ This is so cute. And if you don't make it Yamato... *imitates Yama earlier* I love this fic, and your little explanations. They're funny and interesting. _

Awww...I'm glad you like my explanations. ^_^ I'm always afraid that people don't like them, don't care about them, or that I'm just wasting my time writing them. And yes, it is more of a Yamachi this chapter...so hang on tight! ^_^ 

_Chisama (through email) - ...strangely enough, I think I'm going to vote for a Taikeru/Takechi....if for some reason your author powers don't miraculously bring Yamato back to life....in which case you would HAVE to make it Taito!! (Sorry TK!)_

Yet again...poor TK gets nothing... -_-;; 

Daisiuke: Awww...now I wanna go give Takeru a hug...  
akai: Don't let Ken hear you saying that... -_-;;  
Ken: Too late...   
Daisuke: Eeps!  
Ken: You were just saying that cause you feel bad for him, right?...  
Daisuke: Right... *nods*  
Ken: You wouldn't leave me, will you?...  
Daisuke: Of course not...why would you believe that?  
Ken: Cause you get married to some other girl and I end up with Miyako...  
Daisuke: ...  
akai: That's Toei's version...heh...you should know that as long as you guys hang around ff.net, Toei's vision of your futures don't hold... >:)  
Ken: *smile* ^_^ 

  


  


  


  


  


Can you believe it? I can't. I can't believe that I gave up without trying! I gave up too soon! I gave up everything...including my faith in my friendships. Some Keeper of Friendship _I_ turned out to be. Maybe it's better I'm dead. I don't deserve Tai's friendship...or love... 

Yes, Tai said he loved me. He told my little brother, crying tears of pain that _I_ caused as the clouds drenched them in their own tears. I don't deserve you, Tai. I don't. 

  


  


Love After Death  
akaisakura 

Chapter 3: Sometimes, I'm surprised, and Things CAN Turn Out Well... 

  


  


I know I should have just put him behind me that day and never looked back, but I couldn't bring myself to. It's like I feel the _need_ to straighten out this whole mess and make Tai happy. I feel like I need to apologize to him for being such a faithless coward and to tell him to move on. I feel a myriad of things...and at the same time, I have to save Gabumon. 

I've been putzing around in the Digital World for the past week, thinking everything through, working out what I'd say -- everything. It's all useless, though 'cause I can't even talk to him. I'm letting this get to me...I think I'm depressed... 

"Yamato?..." 

I look up. I don't know who's more surprised. I didn't think he could see me, but the look on his face tells me otherwise. 

"Tai?..." 

His face drains of color. 

"Is it really you?... I-I-I don't know anymore... I've been thinking about you so much for all this time...and... I hope this isn't the Digital World playing with my mind..." 

I still can't believe that he can see me... I walk closer to him...and he sinks to his knees. 

"Yamato...I'm so sorry I didn't get to you in time. I should have seen it coming and helped you more. That's why you can't rest, isn't it? You need to scold me first...I'm so sorry..." 

The last bit is muffled as he bows his head to the ground as he does a koutou. I can't believe he truly believes he could have done more... 

I pick him up off the ground...or attempt to anyway. Whoosh. Yeah, great job Ishida Yamato. Tai must have noticed the chill though cause he looks up at me. 

"Tai, listen...I'm not mad at you...How can I be? It was all my choice. Totally and completely..." 

He interrupts me. "But I could have helped you so you didn't have to make that choice!..." 

Well, I guess he _could_ have...but I really can't blame him. I mean, I was just as scared to tell him how I feel, and that was what carried the most weight in my decision. I look him in the eyes. 

"Tai, I have something to confess." He looks at me, thoroughly confused. I guess it's the sudden change in my tone of voice. "Tai...I love you. And because I was too scared of losing you, I...it...I caused myself so much pain that I just thought it would be better if I was dead. I'm sorry Tai. I really regret what I've done, and all the pain I've caused everyone -- especially you..." 

There. I said it. Suddenly, it's very quiet. Tai's looking at the ground. I think he's taking it all in. He starts to say something, and he gets louder and louder with each passing word. 

"No, Yamato! Don't you see?! I _could_ have saved you! I'm so stupid sometimes!" He punches the ground. "Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!" He accentuates each curse with another punch to the ground. "I...I was also too scared...I thought I was watching out for your well-being...I thought that the last thing you needed was another problem to deal with...so I never told you. I regretted never telling you while you were alive, and now I regret it even more..." 

"It's ok, Tai. There's no way you could have known I liked you, or that this was what was bothering me. You know I don't like to share much about the deepest part of my heart...that's just how I am. Please, cheer up...I'm here now. I know you love me and you had only what was in my best interest at heart." 

I give him a smile as he looks at me with tearful eyes. He looks so vulnerable... And yet again, I pass through him as I unsuccessfully try to give him a hug. 

*Thud* 

My face hits the ground. Tai breaks into a round of soft sobbing. 

Damn. 

This is going to be one looooong afternoon. 

  


  


So I finally calmed him down, and made him understand that it was not his fault. I also filled him in on all the things I've been doing, including my problem with Gabumon. His solution? Stay in the Digital World... 

"Yeah, I mean, as long as you're not haunting around in the real world, then you're technically not breaking the rules, right?" *Big Goofy Smile* 

That's Tai for you, Mr. Mischief. So I guess we've now decided that I'm going to stay in the Digital World. He actually seems a lot happier to know that he can come visit whenever he wants. It's kinda like I'm still alive... 

"I wish I could hold you, Yama..." 

...just...without a physical body... *sigh* 

"I know, Tai...You don't know how much I want to hold you too..." 

We sit in silence, his hand in mine. I guess this gives it a whole new meaning, huh?... I can only imagine the coldness he must feel as his hand sits in mine. 

The light's almost completely gone from the sky. No matter how many times I see this, I will always enjoy this unique sunset. I always did. 

"Say, Tai...do you have to go home any time soon?..." 

"Not really. Just as long as I go home some time tonight, it should be ok." 

"Oh." 

We continue to watch the light fade and the stars appear. 

"Tai...I wanna try something. It's something I read in a manga once..." 

"A manga? Which one?" 

"...Tokyo Babylon..." 

He bursts out laughing. 

"HAHAHA...the great and mighty "I'm too cool for you" Ishida Yamato reads shoujo manga!" 

Ugh... I want to smack him over the head for that one. 

"Hey! What's wrong with shoujo?? And besides, Tokyo Babylon's a classic! Not to mention that it's CLAMP's great social commentary...and given the current state we're in, I'd say it's a more than appropriate reference!" 

I stick my tongue out at him as he continues to chuckle. 

"Ok, ok, Yama. I admit that I know what it's about, so I guess you've got me there. You're not _seriously_ thinking of doing what I think you're suggesting...are you?..." 

"Well, why now?" 

His face scrunches up in that cute little way that it does when he's thinking things through. 

"Isn't it dangerous, though?" 

"I trust you...do you trust yourself?" 

"Well...I guess so..." 

"Then I say we give it a try!" I give him one of my rarest smiles that I usually reserve only for Takeru. And he smiles back, warmth and love radiating from his aura. 

  


  


I'm so excited. I'm so nervous. I'm so excited. I don't know which feeling is greater... 

If this actually works, I can finally give my Tai the hug that's been just out of my reach for...years... 

I look down at his sleeping form. Since we were actually going to try this thing, Tai had emailed his parents, saying he was going to stay in the Digital World for a bit, and that he was alright. With that chore out of the way, we had discussed how exactly to do this. 

In the manga, the character Subaru is an onmyouji who could send a part of himself into the minds of people in a coma, or a deep sleep, to help them work through their problems. Well, the idea didn't seem _too_ unrealistic, since there are lots of mediums that practice onmyoujitsu in Japan, so maybe there's some spell like that in real life. Sides, since I'm already dead, I don't have the problem of trying to separate out enough to leave behind to keep my body alive. I figure it should be easier too, since I trust that Tai won't have a barrier trying to stop me. But hey, who knows. Maybe this whole thing will be a flop anyway. 

I will myself to calm down. This is as nerve-wracking as having sex for the first time. Heck, what am I talking about? I've never had sex before, but I guess that's about as close a description as I can give. I think back to the manga. Now what were those words Subaru was chanting?... 

I don't think I really need a spell to go into Tai's dreams, but right now, I need something to focus on to keep me steady. So I start chanting. 

_noubou akya shya  
kyara baya  
on arikya  
maribori sowaka_

With my eyes closed, I lean forward and give Tai a kiss on the forehead. 

  


  


Light surrounds me, and I blink in the brightness. A little ways from me, I see a figure. I run up to it, knowing exactly who it is. 

He turns around, and there's a huge smile on his face. 

"I've been waiting..." 

And I fall into his outstretched arms, surrounded in a warmth I've never known until now. 

  


  


  


  


  


Yama: *sniffle*  
Tai: *hands Yama a tissue*  
Yama: That...awwww.... *starts crying*  
Tai: I think Yama's happy with your ending...  
akai: You think so?...   
Tai: Course, _I'm_ not happy...  
akai: huh?...  
Tai: Where's the action?! This is the guy I've loved for years, and you don't even let us have our fun!  
akai: uh...In case you've forgotten, I've never written a lemon before. Heck, I've never even written a lime before... /well, there was that _tiny_ drop, but that doesn't count/  
Tai: So?...you gotta start somewhere, right?...so??...  
akai: You actually trust me to write you two in a lemon?... I wouldn't trust me... Besides, how do you know people even _want_ to read about you two getting it on, huh?...  
Tai: All those in favor of turning down a lemon, raise your hand...  
*crickets chirp as one person raises their hand...then it quickly goes down as the mob gathers round...*  
Tai: Ok. Now all those who wants some action...well, you know what to do... *big smile*  
akai: Oh, no...you did _not_ just tell people to coerce me into writing a lime/lemon...tell me you didn't!  
Tai: *continues to smile*  
akai: What am I going to do with you?...  
Tai: Hopefully, put me in a nice and juicy scene with Yama! ^_^  
akai: ... ... ... -_-;; 

  


  


Edu-notes:  
-Koutou is the traditional (and extremely formal) Asian way of begging for forgiveness or when you're asking a big favor of someone who is socially higher than you. To do a koutou, you kneel on the ground with your hands on the ground in front of your body, and then bow your head so low that you actually touch your forehead to the ground. It is a sign of deep humility and respect for the person you're asking. This gesture is also seen when Muslims pray, and the word koutou has been adopted in the English language to describe that as well. In the English language, the word koutou is spelled kowtow. 

  


  


Story Notes:  
-First of all, I hope people like how this story's progressing...I didn't want to kill Tai, but at the same time, I didn't...er, couldn't bring Yamato back, since his body's now a pile of dust...so what do you all think about this twist? Good? Bad? Different? Awful? Cheesy? o_0;; 

-Yes, Tai can see Yamato...it runs in his family I guess. Ok...so where's my back-up? Well, Hikari can see spirits, and get possessed by them as well. Also, in the episode where Tai gets sucked back into the real world after the fight with Entemon, he can see traces and ghosts of digimon. The other people around him couldn't see them, but Tai and Hikari could both see the renegade digimons. 

-I love Tai's reasoning...somehow, I can definitely see him as the type who finds ways to bend all the rules ^_^ I tried to make this chapter a little more lighthearted (and bad puns run rampant), especially after all the angst and people blaming themselves. I hope it came out well, and not dorky... :P 

-Ah, Tokyo Babylon. It's gotta be one of the better mangas that has lasted so long. When it went back into printing recently, people were moved enough to write essays about the impact of this series. At the end of each volume, there is an essay by a novelist or a producer or some other big hotshot. It's a great series that I highly recommend ^_^ 

As for why going into another person's mind can be dangerous...well, that's cause you never know what could happen. Since you're in the person's mind, they have complete control of your surroundings. And if they want, they can keep you there forever, or kill you, or whatnot (Subaru was almost killed by the girl he was trying to help). That's why Tai wasn't sure that it was such a good idea. Of course, Yamato trusts Tai, so he's not afraid to give it a shot. 

Onmyoujitsu is the art of Ying-Yang magic and a practitioner is called an onmyouji. The spell I wrote out is the spell CLAMP used in the manga. Don't write to me telling me that you've been sucked into the brain of your pet dog if it actually works... @_@;; I'm not an expert in onmyoujitsu and I can't get you back out... (on the other hand, if you were stuck in your dog's head, would you even be able to email me?... hmmm...) 


End file.
